It made me feel a little depress, but i'm fine now (∩_∩).

I suppose i'm gonna quit violin by the end of this year. Though i've not really discuss it with my violin teacher yet.

Well, i have been thinking through a lot about it and i've finally come to this decision.

People may think its a waste to quit now cos i've been learning violin for about 10 years already and why not just continue on till grade 8 (which is the highest grade).

But, i really find no meaning in continuing anymore.

I supposed my own violin teacher would be sad and disappointed. He thinks very highly of me, and hopes i can start teaching violin part time soon. But i really do not wish to continue anymore, and i never liked teaching. I'm truly sorry about that.

Violin has officially been removed from my hobbies as it has become something stressful. This isn't a good sign and it's sad when something you used to like become something you really dread.

I really cannot stand violin examinations anymore.

2 main reasons, the accompaniment and aural test.

Accompaniment is like you playing the violin and a piano teacher will play the piano and accompany the violin melody. To say the truth, i find this really shit.

I have encountered many tempo problems and the piano teacher just keeps scolding (maybe not exactly scold, but she was near the point of doing that) me.

I swear i went like 'hey, just f*ck and die.' in my heart. Didn't meant to curse but i was just too irritated. I know how to count tempos, i just need more time.

Aural test is something like school's oral, only that the content is about music.

There was this section where the examiner will play a tune and you have to memorise and sing it, and another one where you have to clap the rhythm. For the exams i have taken, i seriously have problem remembering the tune (which is so not catchy or can it be easily be memorised).

Just last week, the piano teacher tested me and i screwed the whole thing up, and she went like "I don't believe your memory is that poor." I'm SO pissed like hell. I'm sorry for my poor memory, this is just THAT something that i have problem remembering and it is not totally my fault. Furthermore i had flu last week and the medication made my throat dry and giving it a sore sensation, and she still made me sing so much and making it worse.

And then, there was this thing that she said that those words went piercing through my heart like sharp arrows.

This aural test is not easy at all, there are stuff to know and to memorise. The piano teacher went through and i kinda understand. But when she tested me, i was either slow in my replies or could not give an answer. And she got frustrated with me. It's like every information is in my brain but its all messed up. It's all hazy, i really didn't know how to put my answers.

So last week, as she was testing me aural, she went like "Next time come more prepared, go read through your theory and stuff first, make sure you know all your stuff before you go register for the examinations."

I felt really hurt after hearing this. It's like saying i'm totally not fit to be in this exam.

It feels really demoralizing.

Then she asked which grade theory did i stopped at. I replied grade 5 and she went like "Grade 5 is not enough, you must continue on, if not you won't understand the aural contents. It's a wrong idea to take grade 5 theory just so you can continue grade 6 and above practical exams. After this exam go ask your mom to register for grade 6 theory."

I mean seriously, i'm not aware that i must understand all these stuff just to take the exam, my own violin teacher just rushes me to take the exams and move on.

It feels like i'm stuck with 2 different thinkings of both teachers and that made me really confused and stress out.

And i'm starting to lose confidence in myself already when the test is like 26 July. I don't have much confidence to begin with and now the piano teacher is making me lose more. Shit you man.

Really, teachers should be more aware of their words, it may hurt their students without themselves realizing. I wonder, does she even know i'm hurt?

To speak the truth, i nearly broke into tears a few times during the practice sessions.

Which is also why i came to dread every lesson and started losing interest. It feels really sad as i really don't want it to turn out this way and it's like starting to lose its meaning as well.

So my final decision is just to quit and take a break from violin, and i shall play it once in a while, and that should be enjoyment, not stress.

Long post of complains, it helps me feel better though.